The Cassian Brown Report

The times of 2313 are interesting indeed. The newly independent Mars and Moon, their economies already rebounding after their revolutions, are talking federation, and Earth is nervous. Yet the snippets of news Cassian Brown relays here deal with more than politics, they give a snapshot of all facets of life on the three worlds, and how they interweave – and how they don’t.

Adelaide-Darwin ground-effect highway more likely option

The proposal to build a $1 trillion, 2500-kilometre shipping canal between resources hub Adelaide, capital of South Australia, and Darwin, Australia’s trade portal on its northern coast, has been shelved again, seemingly for good. Instead, the Australian government will commission an environmental impact study of the effects of building a corridor for ground-effect air freighters. Ground-effect aircraft fly just above to the surface, which makes them so aerodynamically efficient super-large experimental freighters have carried a boggling 3000 tonnes. To work best, however, the surfaces they fly over must be flat, and any slopes gentle. This is why a corridor, 2000 metres wide, would have to be built. In announcing the impact study, the Prime Minister, Gerald Singh, listed what he said were several advantages of an air corridor over a canal. “One, it would cost a tenth the price,” he said. “Two, while yet to be quantified, clearly its effects would impact less on ecologies. Three, this should make it more acceptable to the Aboriginal custodian communities over whose lands it would pass. Four, there is need to reload cargoes onto ships at Darwin – the waters to its north are usually calm and the freighters can fly on to South-East Asia. And, five, the advent of clip-on, clip-off belly pods make ground-effect freighters an especially efficient transport system.”

Blanket ban on fishing in Mediterranean looms

Political promises blithely made a century ago have caught up with the Mediterranean nations. In 2213 Malta became the last of these countries to sign the Mediterranean Eleven-Yearly No-Fishing Compact, which set the first year-long ban for 2313. It will begin at midnight on March 31. No fishing of any kind will be tolerated until a year later. Strikingly, both recreational and commercial fishermen have welcomed the prohibition. Some 300 million people now live beside or near the Mediterranean, and their liking for seafood has brought the fishery to collapse. “It’s a desert out there,” said Tarak Ben Mahmoud as he surveyed the sea from a jetty near Tunis, Tunisia. He was preparing to de-barnacle his skiff, which bobbed forlornly nearby. “The last time I caught a bin of fish was three years ago, and I felt very bad. They were all small and I thought I’d caught the last fish in the sea. Maybe a one-year ban is too short.” Fishing industry folk elsewhere also support the ban. “Extend it,” says Hamada Kadosu, air dispatch manager for Komoda Brothers Seafoods at the Tokyo Fish Market. “This is our chance to show 300 million people we can deliver fish that’s absolutely fresh to tables 10,000 kilometres away.”

Selected Previous Posts

‘Walk Like A Zombie Friday’ is zedded
Local Affairs. The Santa Ana Gazette. The Board of Supervisors of Orange County has banned Walk Like A Zombie Friday this coming January 31, citing the fear it has previously caused children. The county-wide ban is a response to a petition signed by four thousand parents. Petition organizer J. Ruby Reynolds, of Anaheim, a mother of three, welcomed the decision. “The problem is these people go too far,” she said. “Last year we were accosted in a park by two teenagers leading a third made up as a zombie by a neck yoke and metal poles, and this young man lunged at my daughter, Zoe, then four, before his ‘handlers’ made a show of dragging him away. His make-up was very realistic and she was terrified.” The blanket nature of the ban, however, has dismayed the founder of Walk Like A Zombie Friday, now popular in many cities around the world. Luke W. Wetherell said from his home in San Diego, Calif., it was never his intention to frighten children. “I’m sorry to hear of little Zoe’s experience,” he said. “But I began WLAZF in 2307 thinking it might be fun for my fellow commuters and office drones. Last year even my boss shuffled and jerked around the office. It lifted morale. I think Orange County should have exempted business districts from the ban.”

Birthday ignorance costs SF1,000,000,000

Entertainment. Green Room Reporter. A record audience of 11.9 billion
viewers on Earth, Mars and the Moon last night watched the only contestant
to reach the final stage of the quizzer Who Wants To Be A Billionaire? wrongly answer a question about her own birthday and miss out on the prize of one billion Swiss francs. Roberta da Silva Mauricio Pampalona of Wagga Wagga, Australia, successfully answered all previous twelve questions and could have quit with SF250 million, but she chose to risk all but SF11.5 million of that by attempting the final answer. After the compere, Cecil “Smiley” Parker, asked her mother, Georgina, to leave the audience, he confirmed Ms da Silva’s birthdate with her: July 22, 2288. He then put his billion-franc question: on which day of the week was she born? Miss da Silva, who had used all her ‘‘lifelines’’, flushed but remained silent. Eventually, prodded, she admitted she did not know. Parker suggested she guess, and she did so, stammering out ‘‘Wednesday’’. She was wrong: July 22, 2288, was a Tuesday. A teary Miss da Silva later told GRR: “One day! I missed by one day! Bloody, bloody h—!”